Being To A Part Of Hell And Back...

 Yeah i'm officially back, wasn't an easy journey. My prayer is that all that would set their eyes on this piece would never walk in my shoes, Amen. 

Shortly after i launched my blog and on the verge of nurturing it to full maturity which i'm aware won't be so easy, i pressed that pause button. That pause button affected all spheres of my life. I resigned from work, left Niger state for Lagos state with immediate effect, i was initially supposed to travel to the united states, not for a vacation or to  pursue my dream of obtaining a masters degree in Media Journalism but to take care of my ailing mum. Didn't have a clue of what the doctors told my mum, the degree of her ailment or what she looked like physically. Didn't travel eventually, time was running out, the doctors discharged Mama , my siblings were all in their various schools excluding my brother and eventually, Mama touched Nigeria.

That fateful day, i was so busy with the house chores, was unable to accompany my brother and dad to pick up Mama at the airport. An hour or two later, mum arrived home. Dad wouldn't allow her out of the car,he tried to hide her from the neighbours. I was still clueless.

Twenty to Thirty minutes later, mum stepped out of the vehicle with the help of Dad and Dr.John Bright. My heartbeat stopped for a while, afterwards, it bled and continuous pain was all i felt. I couldn't believe my eyes, My Mum lost the entire flesh on her skin, her extremely pretty face, her glowing skin,her nice body,virtually everything excluding her breathtaking smile. It was hard one, everybody around wept bitterly.

 Mama couldn't do nothing for herself, from eating, to taking her shower, to standing on her feet,to walking long distance. She couldn't do nothing. What broke my heart more, she wore adult diapers, yeah, her condition was that traumatic. I tried so hard to excuse from myself from her when i wanted to start my dramatic wailing but somethings, it just wouldn't work. If prayers, fasting, physical mortification of all sorts could bring her back, i swear down,my mum would have lived.

Fast rewind to how it all started, My mum was misdiagnosed of liver disease in 2006, she was being given the wrong medication and after a year of intense agony without positive result, she eventually travelled to India in 2007, it was discovered she had an enlarged spleen and not a liver disease. They did 'Endoscopic Binding' on her, that procedure is usually very painful, but in less than two weeks, she was back to Nigeria, feeling okay.

She wasn't perfectly fine though and overtime, she travelled to India every other year for checkups and treatment. Dr. John Bright was so amazing throughout the process and of course , so much money was involved but then, God's hands in her case was ultimatum. In 2012, she travelled back to Indian usual, she stayed for about two months or more, longest she ever stayed whenever she went for checkups. They ran series of tests on her,they even had to transfer her to the cancer department in another location but luckily for her, she was cancer free but the sad news was that the illness had escalated to another thing. It was discovered that her blood vessels were clothing terribly, this made her stomach protrude so badly.The doctors said the treatment to this life threatening disease was only carried out in two countries in the world; The United States Of America and Germany.

Mama began to process her papers, she was eventually granted a Visa to travel to the States and in October 2013, she travelled. That same month, i received my call up letter for service. I went to camp but i wasn't as happy as people thought i was. I'm usually a very social person, and i'm so good in hiding all shades of pain with a smile, giggle, so many random gists, name it.In short, i was called 'Ella for the boiz', no one knew my pain.

Fast foward to October 2014, she travelled the second time to the U.S, this time around, she was hospitalized most of the time, the ailment had eaten too deep into her system, it eventually damaged her liver and nothing could be done. I wasn't aware that she was told she was never going to make it. She returned to Nigeria on the 16th day of January 2015. Dr. John Bright visited everyday, to ensure she was in a stable condition.She suffered so much physically but i suffered more psychologically. My life during that phase was programmed, I lived in a part of hell. Believe me when i say that.

On Thursday,12th of march, mama fell unconscious. My baby sister returned from school and went to cuddle her up as usual but Mama didn't have a clue. Reality dawned on me at that point, but i never gave up,all through her life she struggled so hard for me and the rest of my family including people that needed help.  She was the breadwinner of the family, a superwoman, a woman of faith, a mother and a father to myself and my siblings, she was the family's backbone and life support, she was too generous to fault, she sacrificed a lot in other to put a smile on the faces of others and kept on inconveniencing herself and the rest of the family, she would assure us  continually that in the next few years, things would be perfect for us. We couldn't afford to lose her, she didn't deserve to toil so hard even in sickness and not reap the fruit of her labour, i had so many plans in store for her, All of her torments and torture couldn't be taking over her completely, I believed in Miracle, I believed that Jesus could save.

Sunday, 15th day of march 2015, i woke up feeling not so good, i cried, my 'bbm' status ran..'bleeding heart'. I wore a special dress to church, It was given to me by my mum. while in church, my baby sister's call came in, had to excuse myself and  take that call, she said my mum's breathing had changed and her body was going cold. I immediately dashed home, I joined my sister, aunts, and others in prayer at my mum's bedside.

And exactly 6pm, she passed on.

I thought my life was going to end, i wept bitterly, i was numb, i didn't know what to believe in no more, my life was incomplete. All i ask of God each day of my life is to make me a more vibrant and a stronger lady  attaining greater heights and succeeding  in all I've set aside to achieve with all i had witnessed instead of remaining  a perpetually brokenhearted soul forever.

Attached are some pleasant pictures before last days. I can't share pictures of her last days.They are too disturbing.  

Have a blessed day y'all. God bless!