Take Down Mama's Portrait Or Nah?
There's this popular Yoruba proverb I'll interpret to English language for the purpose of assimilation and better comprehension. It reads "Never hurt your back if you have no mother cos there'll be no one to rub your back when it's hurting."
Do I miss my Mama? Yes! everyday! I try to be strong about it though. I can't believe one year is far spent already and she's not a part of it. It can get lonely and I could get a bit depressed when I see others getting along with their mothers, and mine would never be a part of my life forever.
Different people recover from loss in different ways, please bear with me if I continually rub mine in your face through my posts, I'm permitted to be different right? "Individual differences" plays a significant role here and right about now.
Unfolding part of my encounter(goodies) in bits, My Mama's one year remembrance is the "starter pack" that was the number one reason why I embarked on my journey. Everything on ground was a success, the sad thing was that I fell terribly ill that day, had a divine encounter same day too, even though the effect of the second malaria drug one "ogbonge nurse" recommended to my sister on my behalf which I eventually took threw me off orientation and led to the another phase of ailment, I immediately discontinued the drugs, and that was how I regained my consciousness bit by bit.*I never trust village nurses, they forced/manipulated me.
Convocation fell in between and it wasn't fun, everything was a struggle, I almost missed it, I was still recovering.
Fast forward to my Mama, pheew, I returned to Nnewi back and forth, specifically to tag along with a portrait of her, planned all of that before I embarked on my trip. Please check my young Mama out, isn't she the prettiest thing ever? Problem is this, I mourned my Mama for 8 months, I was always crying, ehhm, It kinda contributed to my weight loss, *open confession* the loss of appetite doubled up, errands here and there, late night studies contributed a bit too but hey, I feel so good and so fly, my God is good.
My Mama nicknamed me "Madam gist" and she was too good at listening to my gist, plus my mama too can gist for federation, I nicknamed her in my heart as "Chief Madam Gist" as each time she returned from work, she would branch straight to our room for some intense gisting, most times, she crashed in our rooms and it could get so tiring and we (my siblings and I) would want her to just leave us and gan face her husband. lol. When I'm away, Mama would call to know how I'm fairing no matter the circumstance, she always made sure I was safe as a young lady, losing her to death was the biggest blow life punched into my face and at the level I've reached, no blow can really penetrate into my system, except it's from God himself which God himself can't even try, *ein no fit, lol.
Each day, week, month, and year, in a cyclical order, people begin to unveil new traits and most times repeated upgraded old traits are re-born. Indulge focus, focus and more focus, ignore the bad air.
Reason why family is never characterized wholly by blood is because group of people come together, fight for a cause and never force it. you can never maintain a family bond by force and reiterated pattern of struggle. Life is not that hard.
Imagine a world where people asked confrontational questions rather than make up imaginary stories from acts, casual statements, thoughts, unrealistic medium of communication, and whatever the case maybe amidst the disparity, that's an ideal kind of world, life is beautiful.
Since I returned with my mothers portrait, it's being a blend of torture and smiles. Whenever I look at her beautiful smile, I get so emotional and begin to miss her and cry my eyes out, I still blow kisses at her and converse with her portrait too though.*wide grin, I love my mummy too hard even to death. The portrait steps up my confidence level, I sometimes feel God took her away so that I can start off my life chapter because if she was probably alive, my life would have definitely went in a different direction which wouldn't have made much sense, most times it's a battle I can't even afford to lose, I'm giving it my whole shots to get that crown of royalty on her behalf, Mama was Queen! it's a dynasty affair. *don't hate, hehe.
Pondering whether I should take it down or keep looking at it until I get used to it. No one like Mama, Scary no one will rub my back when I hurt, but then, that is why we have beautiful people around to help us at least blow hot air on it, lol. Ultimately, in case you've lost a beautiful mother like myself, make sure you remain constantly happy because happiness is a state of mind and can be easily accessed unless you're looking in the wrong direction and engrossed in it.
Take down the portrait or nah?
Pheew, hard one, I think I'll make it stay so that I get all the positive vibes I need and be assured she's right next to me with that melting smile.
Happy One Year Celebration Of Your sacrificial life Mama Ellahillz! The Nzelu's, Extended Families And Your Secret Fans Miss You Greatly. *even though illness didn't allow me post on i.g the sweet message I prepped a week before your remembrance which I'll still do. *smiles
Luke 19:10: "For the son of man has come to seek and to save that which was lost."
*Have a great day guys.
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